A letter from Jul 05, 2026

​​ chevron_left Search Emails emailEmailskeyboard_arrow_down * scheduled keyboard_arrow_down To ecnalzzmrquez@gmail.com close yanapilares@gmail.com From Once Send 23/07/2026, 0:00 When to send Open me when you feel ready. Subject Attachments (0) attachment My Dearest Lance, I'm not sure when you'll see this message. It may take a while for you to know that I wrote you a message here. Kumusta man ka? How’s your school, your course, your situation, and your relationship with your mommy? Kaya pa? Mine got better little by little :) In Senior High, we were classmates from Grade 11 to Grade 12. Every day felt normal for me until I got to know you more. Not exactly “met,” since we’ve known each other since we were kids and we’re neighbors, duh. We also had the same circle of friends :) At first, I was so sure that I wouldn’t develop feelings for you because you were my neighbor and also my classmate! Pero knsa mn akong gi atik? Because who would’ve thought that friends-to-lovers could actually be real? The moment you wanted to go home with me, even though you were so shy kaayo. I was also shy talking to you at that time, until I eventually got comfortable :)) Can you still remember how my feminine intuition got it right? Katunob lang ka ug tae while ga-selpon, merisi! Also, bahalag di ka gentleman, teh! Imagine, ikaw ang mag-una og sakay sa jeep T^T AHHHAHAHAH pero okay ra. We talked, laughed, and shared our dirty little secrets while walking along Ayala Road to our house. One thing I like about you, Lance, is that you are truly a genuine person. Until our friendship grew even bigger. From going to 7/11 at midnight, sneaking out until my nanay started suspecting we were something more than friends, and we still denied it. We would send each other TikTok videos and share our traumatic childhood stories at ungodly hours of the night. Until, unknowingly, gi-sungog na ta sa atong friends as “lowkey,” and I really had no idea because I thought you already had someone else lowkey. We were already really close by then. Can you still remember our first overnight with friends? Why did I even agree to sleep on the same bed as you? Unknowingly, basin manghilabot ka? (delulu 😂) But I felt secure that time because I knew you were so torpe. Di gani ka katug’an sa imong crush?? Until the 2nd overnight. Our first physical interaction (ew). I was so embarrassed at that time; I couldn’t even get over it. Ngano man to nga nakig-holding hands ka nako nga mangusi ra man unta ko nimo T^T The way I saw both our hands cross while watching… those were your “obvious” hints AHAHHAHA. But that time, I felt so safe while you were holding my hand. I started getting confused about my feelings for you. I got so jealous of your crushes that I kept asking myself, “Ngano di ako? gwapa man sad ko?” (delulu jud). Every time you would get close to someone else, malain ko. But out of all the girls you liked before, I was always the one who stayed for you. When you would only come close ug gnhan lng, sakit sha so I slowly distanced myself because I already convinced myself that I was never going to be your type of girl :) I was a bit broken the day before our graduation kay may nalaman?? So I stopped wanting to hang out with you. Nasakitan jud ko ato when you were sharing about your crush while I was already breaking inside, and nya katawa raka?? Are you having fun? Mo-sungog nko? And I thought naa naka uyab haha So I forced myself to leave everything behind in Senior High School and never look back. ____________________________________ I enrolled in another school near my mama’s house. I never thought we would meet again someday in the same school after I had already cut you off, haha. After I said hi, you held my hand and never let go. That feeling was so kilig; it felt like déjà vu >^<. After that, you messaged me everywhere and even sent motivational quotes on TikTok, and I just thought you were being friendly. Gi-huwat ug gi-librehan ug matcha? Hoie. I can still remember you waiting for me to finish my P.E. class. Cute! We even exchanged notes on IG, haha. Fast forward, Acquaintance na namo. I didn’t even enjoy our food that much. Ang serving, unsa man to oy huhu. After our party, we went to a club, pero boring kaau I was a little tipsy and wanted to go home, but I asked you mn diay nga mangadto ta 7/11 ky gutom. We accompanied Shiara to make sure she got home safely, and then you walked me home. After that, Naglingkod tas grass nga pwerting basaa while you were eating noodles huhu AHAHAHAHHA. I don’t even know why I suddenly started venting my feelings, and you were just there listening :) I didn’t expect magkiss ta hoy AHAHAHA. I thought you only saw me as a friend, but you were acting differently, too. We were kissing and laughing until we got home, and you gave me the best goodnight kiss. It was truly a night to remember. Fast forward a few days, you and I became inseparable. Can you still remember how, before we made things official, we always talked at our favorite spot in school? Imo pahumot I can still remember sa humot Can you also remember how patient you were? Imagine waiting for me until 9 PM. I would rush down because you were waiting. Every time I stopped and looked at you from afar, I realized how lucky I was to experience that kind of love and patience. You always waited for me after I finished my class. Either we would eat at our favorite spot, “proben,” or we would play Valorant. You always hatod me until I got home. I still remember how excited I felt going to school just to see you. Usahay, I would go to Gorordo just so we could go to 7/11 together and have deep talks about life until morning. I really saw our relationship as something so perfect because I was genuinely happy and committed to you :)) I even imagined our life together. As we talked and shared our dreams and goals for the future, there was something that bothered me the whole time, but I kept it to myself because I thought maybe it was just me. When you shared your plans for the future, it was the typical dream sa guy nga ganahn. To finish school, find a job, settle down, and marry the love of his life. And in my mind, I kept thinking, WHY? Sorry if lain sha for you, but asa imong plan for yourself? Like, what about achieving something for yourself instead of just settling down? But I didn’t say anything because I knew that was what you wanted. As days and months passed, we started experiencing what it really means to be in a relationship- the quarrels, misunderstandings. As we became more comfortable with each other, we also started fighting more, or I should say, I became more short-tempered. There were days nga ma turned off and discouraged ko nmo. As you got comfortable with me, you became lazier and more dependent. Don’t get me wrong. I love expressing all kinds of love languages with you, pero usahay it overwhelmed me. Maybe because I’ve always been used to doing things on my own, I started thinking, “If I can do it, why can’t you?” I’m really sorry if I was like that. My mindset back then was messed up. I could sense that you were becoming unmotivated in everything- school, yourself, and even us. Pero wla rko because maybe you just needed time. So I made sure I was always there in case you wanted to talk or vent, but it never really happened. Lance, during that time when you were dealing with problems, you kept it to yourself. I also got drowned in overthinking about what really happened to the old us. Was this just a phase, or was it really falling apart? There were days when I became disrespectful, and I am fully aware of that. Anger often got the better of me, and I said things I wish I could take back. I wasn't myself in those moments, but that doesn't excuse the hurt I caused. What makes it harder to carry is that you never matched my anger. You never raised your voice at me. Not once did you raise your hand at me. You stayed patient, even when I made it difficult. And the guilt of that has stayed with me ever since. The guilt, Lance, it still chokes me. I am the angry daughter, and I’m ashamed of that. The fact that you stayed silent and still gave me comfort while I was upset shows just how well you were raised. I know there were days you probably questioned whether I still loved you because of the hurtful things I said. Usahay mo reflect ko and realized I wasn’t treating you right. How could I hurt someone I love the most? :( Sometimes I saw myself in Ginny’s thoughts, kaila ka niya? From Starting Over Again? She couldn’t imagine being with someone whose dreams in life were so different from hers. Ginny was ambitious and full of goals, while Marco just wanted a simple, quiet life. Usahay, I could really relate to her. I wondered if it was selfish to want a partner who shared the same mindset, ambitions, and vision for the future. I kept asking myself if love was enough when two people wanted different things from life. That scared me. Because the more I thought about it, the more I saw pieces of us in that story. You were content with a simple future, while I still had so many dreams I wanted to achieve. And for the longest time, I kept asking myself: Is it selfish to leave someone you love because your dreams no longer match? That’s how I felt during our relationship. I wanted to leave because I couldn’t risk my school and my future being with you. It wasn’t a two-way street anymore. Our goals and dreams didn’t match, but there was still something inside me that believed you could rise, and I wanted to trust you. So I stayed. We were girlfriend and boyfriend. You were my first. You were my motivation, my best friend, my favorite boy. You supported and motivated me every day. You were “always” there. You pinky swore that you would never leave when things got heavy or shaky… until you changed. ____________________________________ My birthday came, and I started another fight. Looking back, I still regret the hurtful words I threw at you that day. I was overwhelmed and carrying so much pressure, but that was never an excuse. It saddens me that a day that was supposed to be special became another painful memory for both of us. We misunderstood each other that day, and all I wanted was to spend my birthday happily with you. We were together, yet it felt like you were miles away from me. You gave me the coldest treatment I can still remember to this day. That's when I realized nga shaky na gyud ta. Something wasn't the same anymore, and I could feel it. But despite everything, I stayed. I always stayed. Day by day, I could feel you getting tired of me. I could see your patience wearing thinner na, but I ignored it because I was so sure you would never leave me… until your birthday came. Ga away napd ta, but I acted like nothing had happened that day. You didn’t notice how hurt and disappointed I already was. I set it aside because it was your special day, dko gnahn ma main character sa imong birthday. So nag-go with the flow rko. I showed up, even with the heaviness in my chest. I bought you a cake and gave you my not-so-warmest hug. Then came my worst night. When you followed me to the bathroom, I forced myself not to cry. Imagine, gi-baligwala rko nmo :( I held it in until night came, and you didn’t say a word. Not even a “hi.” That’s when I broke my promise to myself to never raise a hand at you. Slapping you was wrong, and I will forever regret it. But I just couldn’t bear the pain anymore, Lance. It felt like you were okay with everything that was happening between us. Even the smallest boyfriend efforts di nka kabuhat. I was in so much pain that time, Lance. Ngano man nga mura'g mas gusto paka kuyog imong friends kaysa nako? Mura'g ako ra bitaw ang burden nimo. Then you decided to leave me without explanation, but with humiliation. You shared everything so easily with them, while I was begging and begging for us to talk things out, to settle it the way we always used to. But I never stood a chance. You stood firm on your decision, and I was left with all the words I never got to say. Days turned into weeks. I didn’t want to eat. All the thoughts in my head kept eating me alive. Why did you do that to me? Nganong mura kog mabuang kay di ko nimo istoryahon ug tarong? Mama got worried because I lost weight so fast. When my cousins and I gathered for Nanay’s birthday, I broke down. I couldn’t suppress my emotions anymore like I used to. It hurt so much, Lance. I don’t even know if I was already depressed that time, but I didn’t know what to do anymore. I just wanted to isolate. I tried my last attempt to reach out to you, so we talked by force. I forced it because I needed answers. I said everything I had kept inside my head. We both cried, and I finally understood that maybe it was time to let go. I accepted what you said, and I understood your side. You’ve been through a lot, and so have I. It was no longer healthy. But what confused me was why you still couldn’t let go of me. Wala tka pugsa. You were the one who stayed again. Ready na kaau ko mo let go that time because of how painful everything had become—the betrayal, tanan. Imagine talking behind my back. I tried everything, you know that, because I loved you. I never talked badly about you, Lance. I protected your name even dli ta okay. I never spoke badly about someone I loved. But while I was begging you to stay, you were making fun of me, the person I loved the most. That hurt the most, sobra kaayo. When I read those things on your phone, I started questioning if you ever truly loved me at all. Ngano man to? Did you ever really love me? No matter how much I try to forget it now, it still doesn’t go away. You were making fun of me. How could someone I knew from the very beginning do that to me? ____________________________________ So we got back together. We forgave each other, but it was never the same anymore- the spark, the love, the excitement. Wko kbaw if it was still worth staying. Every day, I kept thinking about it. Slowly, unknowingly, I started holding grudges against you. I love you, Lance, but I hate what you did to me. And it never really went away. I also felt that same ache when I found out about what you've been hiding from me. I never expected you to do something like that. The moment I opened your secret account, I found out that there was a girl whose posts you kept reacting to. It made me question unsa pa ba ang kuwang sa akoa. Did I share that with anyone? No. I didn't want to humiliate you. But what really bothers me is that when I asked you why you did it, you just shrugged it off and waited for me to decide to end things. It was as if you had nothing to prove and were already so done with me. :))) ____________________________________ When my capping event came, you were there. We became better again, and I even decided to introduce you to Mama, thinking maybe things could still work out. I was so happy that day. Gitagaan ko nmo flowers unya naa ka :))) But before my duty week started, we started fighting again. Our fights became frequent, Lance, and it drained the hell out of me. Kbaw ka, I started getting scared every time mag-away ta, the fear of losing you again, of you leaving me again. That fear grew day by day, and I became paranoid. I remember during Pharma lecture, we were fighting again. I came into class feeling so weak, Lance. I just sat there the whole time, blank and drained. That feeling nibalik nasad. The one I hated most. My thoughts were full of “what ifs” again. Every time I started a fight, you never argued back. You would just go silent for days without communicating with me. While I wanted to settle things and acknowledge my mistakes, you were never ready. I didn’t understand you at that time, and slowly, my confidence in us started to fade. You shut me off. Like, I didn’t have a way back in. You became absent. You became distant, wa nko kbaw how to reach you anymore. I never knew that side of you existed. It felt like you completely disappeared emotionally. Every day felt heavy for me. I was so emotionally dependent on you. It wasn’t healthy anymore; it was toxic. I didn’t even know what to say about you that time, but I kept holding on to the faith that we would surpass everything. ____________________________________ Duty week came, but we still hadn’t talked things out. There were days you didn’t speak to me at all. I was devastated. Mo duty ko with no appetite, no energy, my mind completely scattered, but even then, I kept updating you, trying to stay connected, ga hope basin diay mo pansin nka nko. Then you started communicating again. Lipay kyko ky you finally wanted to talk, to see me again. Even your simple gestures made me happy because you didn’t always do those things anymore. The time when gihatud ko nmo pasakay sa school bus. I kept looking out the window; you were sitting alone, waving goodbye. I stared at your seat for too long, ky I knew that someday, mingawun jd ko nmo. Then Saturday came. My classmates invited me to a party to celebrate. Wakoy tulog. I also noticed the guy you were suspicious of kept talking to me, but I was sure his intention was just friendly. I went home, and I remember we were supposed to play Valorant. But you decided to reschedule since wala pakoy tulog. When night came, I originally had no plan to go to the party because I just wanted to rest. But unknowingly, they were already outside waiting, wajd ko kbaw. Mauwaw ko mo refuse, so I asked you first. I told you that if you didn’t want me to go, Dko mo adto. But you trusted me, so ni adto ko. I didn’t know that I had already started drinking. My friends noticed I was so broken that night. I went to the CR and kept crying there. It still hurts. Even so, I tried to enjoy the night. Eventually, we decided to go home. Cge kog suka. After that, they decided to eat, wakoy choice kundi huwaton sila since nagsakay rko nila. Nya ni storya ako cm nangita na diay ka nako :((( I promise you, Lance, lowbat jd ko the whole time. Wakoy kahulman charger wla pd power bank I got home safely. Nothing happened between the guy you were suspicious of. I swear, Lance. Wala jud. My other friends were there the entire time. But you got angry because our agreement was 10 PM, and I got home at 12 AM. I really did everything I could to go home on time. I kept asking them to let me leave at 10 because I knew you were already upset. But they were drunk, so I had no choice but to wait until they were done. Days passed, and you suddenly blocked me. Cge kog sorry, but I didn’t even know how to calm you down anymore, so I let you take your time. I didn’t argue. I just went silent too. But what made me decide to finally break up with you was when you twisted the story to Mama. Mama got so angry with me. Gi kasab’an ko niya because she believed your side. I realized then that this had to be the end. I asked Mama to meet you at Ayala Road. When I saw you, I just melted. I miss you. I miss the old us. Kanang feeling nga gusto ko isumbong tanan nimo tanan nga nakapasakit sa akoa. Pero ikaw man pud diay ang nakapasakit nako. Gihilak nalang nako tanan, kay di nako kaya, Lance. I mean, I can, but I don’t want to. We’ve come so far, nya ako rani e let go dayun? Unfair sha para nmo. I was completely lost, and it felt like no one could save me at that time. Anxiety and sadness took over me. It all started when you left me the first time. I don’t even know what came over me, but it felt like I was slowly falling apart. It was as if you left a piece of yourself in me, something I couldn’t understand, like a sickness of the heart, and somehow, it spread through me, consuming every part of me. There was one thing I had been hiding from you, and I couldn’t keep it anymore. Nakahug ko niya dili intentionally, but accidentally. Everything that happened to me before, sultian jd tka. This time, I kept it to myself. Not because I didn’t want you to know, but because I was ashamed of how stupid I was. I had always been faithful and loyal to you from the beginning, but one mistake felt like it erased everything. So I decided to confess to you. The moment I told you, I saw that cold stare and felt that silence that made my whole body shiver. I gave you time to process everything and let you decide. And then you chose to break up with me so suddenly. So suddenly that I couldn’t even process it right away. I begged for days, then weeks, then months. I followed you, hoping we could just talk, hoping we could fix what was broken. I was so lost, so desperate, wanting nothing more than to make things right. Wala nko kbaw unsa akong buhaton. In my whole life, I never begged anyone to stay, but with you, I did. What happened in Ayala is something I can never forget. The person I loved the most was so angry that you couldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore. It was the first time you shouted at me and fought back. I fought back too ky nahadlok nko nmo. But what hurt me wasn’t the act itself; it was the pain in your eyes. That look stabbed me deeper than anything else. That one confession changed everything. It made you someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Someone I feared. Because of me, you changed. The innocence in you was gone. The sweet Lance I once knew just vanished. Ang Lance nga dili kamao manuko, the person who didn’t take everything so personally. The pain of you completely shutting me off still lingers. Not a single word from you ever since. You cut me off like I never mattered, and I completely understand that. Wala na koy balita nimo. I don’t stalk you on social media; I blocked you everywhere. Some friends still update me about what’s going on with you, but I just let it go. It saddens me knowing nga happy ka ug nagpadayon sa imong life without me, but that’s the reality I have to accept. I promised to distance myself from you, and I tried. But when everything feels like it's against me, I end up going back to the person I feel safest with. After you left, there were so many things I kept to myself ky dko gnghan ma burden to other people. I became so used to carrying my emotions alone that sometimes they would pile up until I couldn't breathe under their weight anymore. And during those moments, my mind would always wander back to the person who once made everything feel lighter. YOU You were the person I told everything to. The one who listened to my stories, my worries, my dreams, and even the parts of me that I was too ashamed to show. You were my safe place. My real friend—the kind of friend I never had to force a connection with. Being with you always felt effortless. You made me feel seen, heard, and understood. It felt like we were on the same wavelength, and for the longest time, I believed I had finally found someone who truly got me. Ikaw ang tao nga kaila kaau nako. You know I only have a few friends, and whenever life got heavy, ikaw ra jud ang akong madaganan. That's why it's so hard for me. I'm just grieving the friendship we built because that meant so much to me. Losing you means losing the person I trusted the most, and that's a different kind of pain. It wasn't the breakup that broke me; it was losing the friendship I had with you. Sa tinuod lang, I only had a few people I truly considered friends. But over time, I realized that none of them were emotionally there for me the way I was always there for them. Sakit siya paminawon, pero mao gyud na akong na-observe. Most of the time, they were only around when it was convenient for them, not when I needed someone the most. Di sad ko ka blame ky dugay nmn ko sig gatekeep sa akong emotions, and I just hang out with them for fun. Lahi ra gyud ang feeling nga naa kay usa ka friend nga pirmi nimo madaganan. Someone who listens, understands, and stays. Someone who makes you feel like you never have to question whether they'll be there. That's who you were to me. That's why I don't easily let people in. The only people I've ever truly trusted have always been my family. Then you came into my life, and for the first time, I chose to trust someone outside of my family. I believed I had finally found a genuine friend. But the one person I truly trusted is gone anyway. I wrote this letter, not because I expect you to come back. Not because I'm waiting for you. And not because I think you owe me a response. I think a part of me just misses being understood by someone who knew me so well. So if this letter somehow reaches you and feels like an inconvenience, I'm sorry. Dko gnghan mo disturb sa imo peace. I just wanted to tell the truth about what this past year has been like for me. ____________________________________ A year has passed, and I’m still here, writing this with the pain I’ve carried since the day you left me. It’s like I’m still stuck in a loop, replaying every memory, every word, every moment that broke us. The first few months were so difficult. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep, food I could barely swallow, and tears I couldn’t stop. I kept asking myself what was really wrong with me. There were days nga I was okay and could forget you, but there were also hard days nga maghilak nalang jud ko for no reason nga dli ko ka explain. I’ve made so many attempts to reach out to you. I did everything possible just to have a chance to talk to you one last time, but it never happened. Kuwang nalang jud manghangyo ko sa imong family nga mo-ara ko sa inyo house, but I didn’t want to humiliate myself. I’ve been longing for you so much, Lance. My mind just couldn’t find peace. But its also disrespectful if I dli nko e respect imo decision. I’ve been so lonely these past months after you made that decision. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t let Mama see me drowning in it all, so I chose to stay here in Gorordo. Not to be near you, but simply to be alone. ____________________________________ Months went by, and I started getting better. I’ve regained myself. I’m starting to take up my hobbies again and finding new ones. I’ve become more creative and focused on myself. Until I heard that you already had a girlfriend, at first, I was okay. But it hurt so much. I mean, I’m really happy for you. It means a lot to me that you finally found someone who deserves you. I hope she considers you before doing anything that could hurt you, like I didn’t before. I hope she understands you in ways I may never have. The truth is, before I met you, I wasn't looking for love anymore. Growing up in a broken family, I witnessed how love could turn into pain. I saw the hurt, the disappointment, and how two people who once loved each other could slowly become strangers. Because of that, I built walls around my heart and convinced myself that love wasn't something I needed. I was used to relying on myself. I protected my peace and promised myself that I would never end up in the same situation. But then I met you. You changed the way I saw love. You made me believe that maybe love didn't always have to end in pain. You made me feel safe enough to let my guard down and trust someone with the parts of myself that I had spent years protecting. When I found out that you already had a girlfriend, I thought maybe it was finally time for me to move forward napd. After a year, I tried opening my heart again. I met someone and genuinely tried to make things work. I gave him the care, patience, and effort he deserved. But no matter how much I tried, something inside me still felt missing. It wasn't because I was waiting for you. It wasn't because I was comparing him to you. I think I was just no longer the same person. After everything that happened, I realized I couldn't love the same way I used to. I couldn't imagine giving my whole heart again, building dreams with someone, and risking losing myself in the process. My heart was no longer searching for someone new. It was searching for peace. And maybe that's when I accepted that the love I used to romanticize. The kind of love where I believed in forever, where I thought love could overcome anything, slowly faded. I’m not angry at love. I just don’t recognize the person who used to believe in it anymore. Not because I regret loving you. Not because what we had wasn't real. But because that version of me, the girl who believed so deeply in forever and was willing to give everything for love, already gave everything she had. I no longer dream about finding someone. I no longer imagine a future with another person the way I once did. Maybe loving you, losing you, and surviving all of it changed me more than I ever realized. And maybe that's okay. Katong months pata gabuwag, I was so eager makigbalik nmo. But I just couldn’t. I don’t want to bother you anymore, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t disturb your peace again. I just can’t stand seeing you get hurt by being with me. I know you deserve so much more because you are such a genuine person. I don’t deserve you, and maybe it should stay this way. We don’t meet the same person twice, not even in the same person. I’ve come to accept that now, even if I couldn’t before. I used to believe we would meet again and that fate would bring us back to each other. But things have changed. As I grow older, there are things I’ve learned to anticipate and accept. Some things are no longer in my favor, and maybe neither in yours. ____________________________________ As I turned 22 this year, the only wish I have is that you’ll forgive yourself for letting someone hurt you when you didn’t deserve it. I hope you can forgive yourself for allowing me to hurt you and drain you, for emptying a heart that was once so full of love. The pain turns inward, and somehow you end up blaming yourself when all you did was trust me and try to love me. You are a good person, Lance, and I hope no one ever takes that away from you. You have so much love in your heart. Unta makita gihapon nila unsa ka nindot akong perspective ug mokatawa ka. Those eyes gyud >< mokalit rag kawagtang if I make you laugh. That's what makes you unique. Despite everything that happened, you still manage to see the brighter side of love. You still choose to believe in it, even after all the pain you've been through. I'm so grateful that you allowed me to see and experience a side of you that you only ever shared with me. Thank you for making me feel loved, even when you were quietly longing to be loved yourself. Thank you for always trying, for showing up, and for giving me the best of your heart, even when it wasn't easy. They said that one day makalimot rko nmo. That it was just a college love and that, as I grow older, you'll become just another memory. But I don't believe that. You were my first love, and perhaps the greatest love I'll ever have. Some people may see our story as kadiyot ra, as it lasted for almost a year. But to me, it never felt that way. In such a short time, you gave me memories, happiness, and a love that felt deeper than time could ever measure. No matter how much time passes, a part of me will always be grateful that I got to love you and be loved by you. You gave me a love that many people spend a lifetime searching for, and for that, grateful kyko. Even though you left without saying goodbye, I've already forgiven you and made peace with it. This time, I chose to follow God's plan for me, even though deep down I wanted that plan to be you. God knows how much I begged, prayed, and held on to hope for us. But sometimes, no matter how badly we want something, we have to trust that His plans are greater than our own. I never wanted to be the villain in your story. I hate yelling, I hate arguing, and I hate holding grudges against someone I once loved so deeply. I hope you can still remember the good in me, not just the version of myself I became. Tao ra pud ko. Masayop ko, and there were times when I acted without thinking about how much it could hurt you. I'm also just a girl, trying to figure things out. I'm still learning, still growing, and still doing my best to become better from the mistakes I've made. We both hurt each other, and in the end, we broke up on your terms. I had no choice but to respect that. I just know where I stand in your life. I am not the girl you’re willing to move mountains for, and that’s okii :)) Always know that I tried everything I could. I hope you can still see me as your best friend imong permi dungan pauli from school. The person who always stood by your side and protected you whenever things got in the way. The friend who was always down for everything, no matter what. There’s a quote that says, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can always control how long it affects you.” Although I chose to remember everything that happened to me, it still stays with me to this day. Not because it continues to hurt the same way, but because it serves as a reminder that it once existed at some point in my life. I can decide whenever I want to stop letting it affect me anymore. Healing isn’t linear, and dili tanan kinahanglan dalion. So I’ve decided to take as much time as I need and let this pain sit with me until it no longer does. Grief comes in waves, and that’s true. There are days when I think about it and grieve the love I feel I wasted. There are days pd when I’m completely fine and feel like I’ve already forgotten you. But I’m learning that even grief doesn’t stay the same forever. One day, I hope it softens. One day, I hope it finally lets me go. I’m not asking you to forgive me, Lance. I just want you to understand. Everything I wrote, everything I felt, came from love, pain, and reflection. I may never be able to change what happened between us, and we may never see each other the same way again, but I will always hope that somewhere in your heart, you can understand the version of me that truly cared for you. And I hope that, in time, we can both find peace with what we lost and with the people we became because of it. You were the greatest loss of my life. Love, Yan https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pVXpIHBCvfihzOoCjZqSK?si=oTrnfArJTjar7uZMzhYquQ Happy Birthday :)) Copyright © 2026 Later.io All rights reserved. Terms​​