A letter from Jan 01, 2026

Dear FutureMe, Isn't it weird how time flies so fast, even though every day feels like it's never really gonna end ? You wake up one morning, and suddenly you're 16, and you only have half and a year to spend in your hometown. Half and a year before the real world slaps you in the face. In the blink of an eye, your sister in thirteen when just yesterday she was a little kid that kept pissing you of. I'm aware that my following words may be pessimistic, but why do I feel this heaviness in my chest ? I was alright a few hours ago, I was happy and laughing with k and n while we were waiting for midnight to arrive. And yet I feel this emptiness in me. I guess I could say I'm afraid. Of what, you would ask. Maybe I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of who I'm turning into. I'm afraid of the person I will become in a few years from now. Will I always be so scared of the tiniest thing ? Scared to send a happy new years text ? Scared of people's perception of me ? Scared of being judged ? Scared of not fitting in. Scared of being rejected, of being alone. im rereading this letter, trying to find the perfect words to describe my feelings, to express them. I want to write a great letter, something I'll look back on a few years from now on. I've always known words had great powers. They can make you feel so many emotions at once : grief, sadness, nostalgia, joy and so on. They can make you feel alive. And empty. They carry such a soul whithin themselves. The 2025 year was a year filled with moments i will never forget. Words I wish I never uttered, screams I wish I never let out, tears I wish I never shed. There are many choices I wish I had made differently, however that is something I cannot change. What is done is done, and I have no choice but to accept it. Maybe I'll always feel this sentiment of being different from others, maybe these insecurities of mine, insecurities I carry deep within me will never really let me go. I am aware that they are a part of me, a part that I, one day, will have no other choices but to live with, as difficult as it may be. It can't really be that bad, right ? Everyone has their own strengths, their own weaknesses. No one is perfect, no one is flawless. and thats part of being human. It is fine. That is something I need to remember m, something that I need to ink deep in me. people are ******* weird, and you should not let them define who you are. They don't get to have the right to erase your personality, don't get to have the right to tell you who you should be. Being afraid is one thing, but being controlled by that fear is another. you know, for a long time I believed I wasnt smart enough. i want good at maths, or science or physics. I couldn't formulate logical sentence. Whenever I tried explaining something, my mind would go blank, and my vocabulary would just disappear. I tought it was because I didn't think enough. And the irony is that nowadays, this seems like the only thing I'm good at. Always overthinking. Thats all I do. If you haven't guessed it, I ******* hate that. Maybe it's because I'm 16. Maybe every teenager goes through something similar, maybe nobody does, either way it really sucks.